Realty Check by Piers Anthony

So, uh…how about those tesseracts, eh?

Piers Anthony has written a lot of books. Like, obscene amounts of books. Seriously, the dude’s just prolific. Chances are if you like fantasy and science fiction, you’ve heard of him and probably read him. His books are creative and interesting and you always know there will be more like it, because he has written so many friggin’ books.

Additionally Piers Anthony seems eminently approachable. Most of his books feature Author’s Notes at the end that are at least as long as a chapter, and he is known for addressing his readers directly within these sections. That’s admirable.

All of this is to say: Piers Anthony, to all appearances, is a cool dude with a ton of great ideas and a deep love for writing. Anyone that prolific is bound to pump out a few books that aren’t at their highest caliber of writing.

Realty Check is just such a book. Though it’s a light, highly readable novel, there’s nothing here you haven’t seen before. Penn and Chandelle are an apparently retired couple looking for a new home. They luck onto the deal of a lifetime: A free month’s rent with no lease, and no requirements.

The house seems to know what they like; the fridge is fully stocked, and the closets are pre-stocked with clothes that fit them perfectly. The back door opens onto a forest that isn’t really there (what?) and the front door can apparently take them to any major city in the world. By this point in time, if I'm Penn or Chandelle, I'm out the door. Strangely, they don’t seem that bothered. It’s just a mystery to them, and they recruit Lynn and Lloyd, their grandchildren, to help them solve it.

I want to mention again: This was an entertaining read. I enjoyed reading about the discoveries they’d make, how the house kept score, and about the fantastic inventions they found in the attic (or hell, how they found the attic in the first place). But at the end of my read I found myself disappointed. The characters felt flat. Things happened simply for the sake of convenience. A surprisingly large amount of typos made their way past the copy editors, which I wouldn’t ordinarily point out if there hadn’t been so many of them.

At some point a character suddenly has a fake credit card. The only explanation give is as follows, and this is a direct quote: “getting that had been a neat trick.”

Really? If it was so neat, I’d probably like to read about it!

It’s these kinds of things that make this book one of my least favorite Piers Anthony novels. Fun to read, certainly a nice distraction…but certainly not one of his best. I’d skip this one.

My favorite (just try to imagine your grandfather saying this to you while the guy is standing right there) bit:

“He finds you appealing. Do you object, Lynn?”